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Tonight while my boyfriend was using my computer I lay on my bed and gave myself Reiki while listening to an audio recording of The Tenth Insight by James Redfield, the follow-up book to The Celestine Prophecy. In his book he wrote about birth visions. Intrigued, I turned off the tape to meditate on what my birth vision was.

I looked at my birth family to figure out why I’d want to be born to them, then started having a vision that may have been a past life experience. In my vision I saw myself as an unhappy young Native American woman. In one section of my vision my hands were bound. I felt myself laying against the ground, feeling downtrodden. I realized I was in a group of natives being relocated, and unfortunately, I didn’t make it to wherever I was going. I felt totally unloved and unwanted, by anyone. So then I went back to my birth family and saw, first of all, a little girl there. I would have a sister if I was born to this family, and that excited me. It was the first thing that attracted me to the situation. Then I saw how the parents, especially the father, gave this girl lots of love and affection, and I wanted that. I wanted to be in a family that would love me, want me, and care about me.

Beyond that, I couldn’t see any reason for wanting to be in that family, and I questioned again, meditating on what my purpose in this life might be. I wondered why I have such a propensity for putting myself into situations where I’m helping people… just as I am with this energy therapy endeavor, and other things I do. My attention was diverted to another vision where I saw myself as a very young boy - about seven or eight - whose parents sold him to a slave trader. I was told via clairaudience that it happened in 13th century Persia. I was abused by the slave traders and taken to the court of a person who I identified as a king. The king said, “he isn’t one of mine” and said I must go to work. I was forced to work in a dark place that seemed like a dungeon or cellar, alongside other men, shoveling what I think may have been coal for winter heating fuel. Next I saw myself being executed for having led or participated in an uprising. I’d tried to help the people I worked with find freedom from this forced labor. So in this way I was told that I always wanted to help others. It is a part of who I am now.

I continued my Reiki, and considered how even though I chose my birth family for the feeling of being loved and wanted, I still didn’t feel 100% loved and wanted. I never have, even though both my parents are decent, kind, loving people, and always have been. Then I realized I had this lack in my energy body in the front of my head, in the area just over my third eye. I placed my hands there and sent Reiki and Quantum Touch energy, and healed myself. Then I felt massively loving, and realized it was what I’d been looking for. Through clairaudience I heard these words: “You are the love you give. That is how your soul gains power, strength and beauty.” And I realized this is a message I need to share with my energy healing.