After listening to a friend during a fit of complaining, and as I listened to my own inner self-talk, I realized that all the complaints we make are based on things outside ourselves that we perceive as imperfect. We rarely hear people complaining about their own behavior, but often they complain about the behavior of others, or the government, or the weather.

If we didn’t waste so much time projecting outward, using our myopic viewpoints to judge everything around us, we’d have more time to project inward, to root out our own faults and take joy in our spiritual relationships.

The more we focus inward on our spiritual growth, the happier we’ll be, and the happier those around us can be.

Eliminate complaints forever!

Affirm: I focus on perfecting my own being.

I used to be very into astrology. I had books to tell me how to create the charts, an ephemeris, and even the special papers with pre-drawn charts to fill in. I got pretty good at it and learned all the houses, signs, and symbols and what they meant. I could tell you what all the planets, aspects, and everything else meant. This was in the days before computerized astrology programs made it easy to get the information.

I’m aware that certain signs are considered to be more compatible than others. And after 55 years of living (my 55th birthday is today) I’ve got this to say about that.

Astrologically speaking, signs of each element are supposed to be compatible with each other.

Fire Element Signs: Aires, Leo, Saggitarius

Air Element Signs: Gemini, Libra, Aquarius

Earth Element Signs: Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

Water Element Signs: Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces

Also Fire and Air signs are said to make good friends, and Earth and Water signs, the same.

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Okay, I’m here to tell you, it isn’t that simple. I was born under the sun sign, Cancer. I have had a number of relationships throughout my life, and unfortunately never found the perfect person for me unless this turns out to be Bob, who has been my boyfriend for just over a year now.

My first three relationship experiences were with Scorpio men. All three of them were supposed to be compatible, yet they turned out to be toxic relationships. After that I quit caring about finding someone compatible. My last three relationships have been with an Aquarius, a Capricorn, and a Saggitarius (Bob).

Each relationship had its good points, and bad, but I can honestly say the relationship with the Capricorn man was the easiest. He and I were almost exactly opposite on the sun sign chart - as he was born January 15 and I was born July 13. Although we got along great, we didn’t have a lot in common and that eventually convinced me to move on to find someone who wanted to do the same kinds of things I dream about doing. My Capricorn friend’s interests were never going to be the same as mine.

The relationship with the Aquarius was intriguing but had to end for my preservation of sanity. It wasn’t an easy relationship, but who said I want things to be easy? And I can say the same about my Saggitarius partner. His way of thinking is much different than mine, and I’m learning a lot by learning from him. I find that when I pay attention and try to take in his suggestions (and philosophical Saggitarians have plenty of them) I benefit. I am changing - not by being with people of my own Element, but by seeking people of other elements to teach me who they are and how they think.

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Astrological star sign compatibility is much more complex than the chart above suggests. It is based on which houses your planets are in, and how the planets aspect those of your partner’s. And even if you think you’ve got the perfect person, astrologically speaking, you may run into trouble. There are too many variables. Unless you are an expert, or have access to one, astrology is not a good indicator of who to choose as a partner. Remember me with my three Scorpio guys, none of which were good for me in the long run.

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A better way of choosing a partner is to find someone who has the same hopes and dreams as you do. And know that finding this person is luck. You have to be in the right place at the right time. You can ask the universe to help you, and intend to find the person who is right for you. For example, place yourself into a quiet, centered frame of mind, and say, “I intend that I will find the best partner to spend my life with, someone who I’ll be happy with, who will be good for me, who will encourage me to fulfill my highest potentials in life; insofar as it is for the highest and best good of all involved, so be it - and so it is.”

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I’ve read a lot of astrology books and guides. My favorites which I go back to again and again are the ones written by Linda Goodman: Sun Signs, Love Signs, and Relationship Signs. Though the compatibility guides can’t tell you whether a relationship will last forever, it will give a pretty good idea of some of the aspects of what it will be like.